


Where She Goes

by forthemyoui



Series: "좋지?" "응, 좋아" / Our Hands in Her Pocket [3]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 07:04:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13429434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forthemyoui/pseuds/forthemyoui
Summary: Nayeon goes wandering sometimes and Sana learns how to deal with it.





	Where She Goes

“You’re having a fight,” Jeongyeon guesses as soon as she sees Sana approaching.

Sana shakes her head first but then shrugs next. She passes the takeaway food, a mere courtesy, to Jeongyeon. Jeongyeon sets down the broom and receives the food, beckoning Sana into her small apartment. Sana, in a baby pink fleece coat and cream sweater, brushes her hand past the money plant leaves as she enters.

Sana sits awkwardly at the small dining table as Jeongyeon lights the stove and places a pan onto it. She turns around, placing both hands onto the table.

“Did she walk out on you?” Jeongyeon asks, but her face is already set and she’s waiting for simple confirmation.

Sana purses her lips and nods.

Jeongyeon nods to herself all while she puts the backs of her fingers against the takeaway plastic. “You came here in a hurry; the food’s still sort of warm.”

Sana stares at the ceiling. There’s a faint green stain from where it was waterlogged by an inconsiderate neighbour and properly fixed, albeit not perfectly, by Jeongyeon. Jeongyeon dumps the fried rice onto the pan and gives it a quick stir.

“You don’t have dinner prepared? Doesn’t seem like you.”

“I was going to go out,” Jeongyeon comments, reaching for her phone on the top of the fridge.

“Oh. I can leave.”

“Nope, this is more important.”

“Okay.”

Sana watches mildly anxiously as Jeongyeon texts away on her phone, hitting send and then replacing her phone on top of her secondhand fridge. She checks on the rice and then, satisfied, brings it to the table along with two spoons.

“Is it my fault?” Sana asks. “Did I do something?”

Jeongyeon shakes her head no as she eats.

“Why did she-”

“She’s just like that,” Jeongyeon says, looking up at Sana. “It’s not a flaw of her personality or yours. She’s not going out to cheat on you or start a different life or abandon you. I mean, she did break up with a boyfriend after one of her outings before, but not this time. Basically, the explanation is that she’s Nayeon, and this is what Nayeon does.”

Sana nods, finally picking up a spoon of rice. “Where does she go?”

“I have no idea,” Jeongyeon says. “I don’t try to ask. One time she just spilled like one or two locations voluntarily. Once she showed up at my bakery. She doesn’t do anything dangerous, I think. Probably just walks a lot and sits down and watches things.”

Sana tucks her dark hair behind her ear. “Yeah, I could feel the melancholy mood coming on a while ago. It’s my first time dealing with it since we, you know, got together, so I just think I can’t handle her well.”

Jeongyeon shrugs, having cleared half the pan. She pushes more rice to Sana’s side.

“You’ll learn. I don’t think she expected you to do anything, really. And if this is worth anything, I’m positive she misses you as much as you miss her now. Even if it’s been a day. Or a few hours.”

Sana bites her lip, and then nods, looking at the table. She starts eating voraciously and Jeongyeon watches in amusement. She scrapes the sides of the metal pan and cleans the spoon, smiling at Jeongyeon once she’s done.

“I can see why she loves you,” Jeongyeon says, snorting, and puts the pan into the sink.

Sana laughs one of her ridiculous laughs. “Don’t fall for me.”

“Sure.”

 

* * *

Sana gets a text while she’s in the supermarket. She pauses choosing the sort of peanut butter she wants and looks at the message. It’s from Jihyo and says ‘she’s okay’. Sana continues canvassing the jams aisle but simultaneously hits the call button on Jihyo’s contact.

“I wasn’t supposed to talk to you,” Jihyo says after one ring.

“What’d she say?” Sana asks and picks out a bottle of peanut butter swirled with jam.

“Well, she’s worried about you and had major spells of regret,” Jihyo said casually. “I don’t know when she’ll come back but she definitely isn’t staying out long this time.”

“I know, but a night and a day already feels like forever, you know,” Sana admits, moving quickly towards the sweets section. “Why didn’t she just call me?”

“I don’t know if you know this, Sana,” Jihyo says, “but Nayeon is an incredibly idiotic individual.”

Sana giggles. “I know. We’re both sort of that way.”

Jihyo pauses to reconsider her friendship choices. “Okay, well, Nayeon’s emotionally stupid and doesn’t know what to say to you, so she texted me. So don’t worry, okay? And understand her point of view. Once her girlfriend broke up with her over this.”

Sana narrows her eyes. “So it happens more often than Jeongyeon said.”

“She didn’t feel that horrible, though, that girl wasn’t right for her,” Jihyo remarks. “Be understanding when she returns but also don’t tolerate any bullshit. She should have warned you in advance.”

“I think she’d been trying to, in her own way.”

“What are you doing, Sana?”

“Hmm?” Sana hums, looking down at the pile of gummies and sweets in her basket. “I’m grocery-shopping.”

“Okay, good, just go about your life,” Jihyo says, “and if you need anything, call me. I didn’t talk to you, though.”

“Hmm.”

Sana walks to the cheese display and picks out a spreadable cheese. She can barely tell what the cheeses are in Korea, but this one looks like it has herbs and fruits in it, so she gets it. Her phone buzzes again, but it’s only a reminder from work. Sana schedules a work session for the evening.

 

* * *

 

 

Sana falls asleep with her laptop on her lap on the couch, glasses half-fallen from her face and pack of Jolly Ranchers open by her side. She’d meant to open the packs only when Nayeon got back, but she’d waited and Nayeon hadn’t come.

In the morning she walks to the bathroom in the bedroom in a daze. She only registers the sound of water when she steps into the bathroom. Her senses had been on hyper-alert mode for the past two days, jolting like a soldier in the trenches at the sound of a gun going off, and unable to shake off the yearning for some sort of answer.

Sana stands with her feet on the cold tiled floor for about half a minute before she peels off her shirt, sleep-shorts, bra, and underwear and slides open the shower door.

Nayeon looks like she’s been caught doing something wrong, but then her expression dulls into something that says nothing. Sana gestures for her to make space and begins wetting her hair. At some point Nayeon just stands outside of the spray of the showerhead in the cold air and watches.

“You kind of suck,” Sana says as she shampoos her hair, eyes closed under the spray.

Nayeon walks under the spray and wraps her arms around Sana. They each flinch and shiver together from cold skin, but Nayeon is persistent, helping Sana rinse out her hair so she can place her head on Sana’s shoulder comfortably.

“I missed you so fucking much,” Nayeon admits quietly, just holding her girlfriend.

“I missed you too,” Sana says, slippery hand covering Nayeon’s. “Let’s shower, though, and get out.”

Nayeon sighs, then reaches for the shampoo too.

“How long have you been in here? You haven’t shampooed your hair?”

“I was just standing.”

“Can’t understand you.”

They soap up and rinse off and there’s only one towel in the toilet so Sana dries off and ventures out to find another towel. When she turns back, Nayeon’s walked out of the bathroom dripping wet, impatient, and receives the towel from her. Sana, bundled up, runs her hand up and down Nayeon’s torso but doesn’t stay.

When they’re clothed and sort of dry, Sana lies down and waits for Nayeon to get into bed as well.

“We shouldn’t lie down with our hair wet,” Nayeon says, but it’s just speech in passing, because sickness is far from their minds at this point.

“Come here,” Sana says, and Nayeon gets into bed.

Sana pulls Nayeon’s head to her chest and breathes in. The smell is familiar. Sana hadn’t watched, but Nayeon had probably rubbed on the body lotion Sana had given to her a while ago. Nayeon wraps her arms around Sana’s waist.

“Were you worried?” Nayeon asks and sniffs, moving her head away so she can look at Sana.

Sana looks lazily back at her. “At first.”

“Are you going to ask me why?”

Sana thinks for a moment and nods.

“I don’t know either. Sometimes I want to be alone and not talk to anyone for days. Sometimes it feels like nothing and no one matters and I just return when I suppose I should or could return. I just return because I should. Because people might be worried. Because there’s work to be done.”

“Was it like that this time?” Sana closes her eyes, listening.

“No,” Nayeon says, clear. “I missed you through it.”

They lie in silence for a bit.

“Is this different? With me?” Sana asks with her eyes still shut.

“Really different,” Nayeon says, as if waiting for someone, anyone to ask her that question. “I think it’s because I love you.”

Sana opens her eyes. Her eyes are usually open wide with affection, but now they’re just wide and tender and gently disbelieving, perhaps in that she could ever hear those words. Or possibly people dream of these words all the time but are still never prepared for hearing it.

“I also love you,” Sana says softly, slowly.

“Why are you so good to me?” Nayeon asks in her usual jokingly gruff way. “Why do you treat me well?”

Sana just closes the gap and kisses her. At first Nayeon wants to push her away because they should have a serious talk, but Sana grips her hand and places it on her hip, and then Nayeon feels everything Sana is expressing through the kiss and kisses back.

“Can you not ask such questions?” Sana asks almost irritably as soon as she ends the kiss.

Nayeon just looks at her.

“Just because,” Sana answers impatiently. “Just like that.”

“I went to my house and stayed in my old room and my mother said I was a loser,” Nayeon says, looking up like an embarrassed child. “So I told her to go away and I went to sleep. Then later I said sorry and we made food and I was going to go out again and sit at the park or a rooftop as I usually do but she wouldn’t let me leave.”

“So you came back?”

“Hmm.”

“Your mother did good.”

Nayeon hums. “The food we made is in the fridge.”

“We can have it later,” Sana says. “I don’t feel like moving now. Do you feel any better?”

Nayeon nods. “I kind of didn't need it. But I might in the future.”

“Okay.”

Nayeon just hugs the girl sort of sitting on top of her and buries her nose into Sana’s neck. She breathes in and kisses Sana as many times as she needs to communicate the sort of affection that can’t quite be articulated in words. When she pulls back, Sana notices that Nayeon’s eyes look tired.

“When I first met you I didn’t think I would love you like this,” Nayeon cocks her head to the side, looking at Sana with a tired smile. “I didn’t think about running away at all this time when I went walking. My thoughts always came back to you. Whether you were sleeping, eating, thinking of me. I sound like a sap.”

“Yeah I cringed,” Sana giggles as Nayeon launches into her usual low laughter, hiding her face in Sana’s shirt.

“Why am I like this?” Nayeon asks; she purses her lips and knits her brows together. “What’s wrong with me such that I can wander for one week and not call my boyfriend? And then I feel scared on the streets and come back but I still break up with him because I’m sort of sorry and he didn’t deserve my walking out, but also because I didn’t feel too bad letting go of him?”

Sana sighs and hugs Nayeon closer. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you.”

“Are you scared?”

“I was.”

“But?”

“Jeongyeon said you loved me.”

“Ah.”

“Hmm.”

Nayeon looks up, not tearing her head away from Sana’s chest, however. “You went to see her? What did she say?”

“She said it’s not my fault. And she said you’d come back. She said she could see why you loved me.”

Nayeon nods slowly, shutting her eyes and sinking into Sana’s embrace again. As usual Jeongyeon knew what she was doing. Well, she didn’t always know what she was doing. Before she decided to move a little ways out of Seoul and finally start her own bakery, worrying her family slightly, she obviously was a rickety little house who didn’t know what to do and didn’t know if she could ask for help.

“I was kind of afraid that I didn’t know you well enough when you started getting distant,” Sana says, “but now I think I’m sure I know you. Or at least have the ability to know all your parts. Even the type that goes wandering at night and doesn’t joke around like the normal Nayeon. I know your grumpy side already.”

Nayeon laughs half-heartedly, the same sort she does in public.

“And if you’re too tired to be that excitable Nayeon, you don’t have to be that around me. I don’t care. I can tell when your laugh is tired.”

“I don’t get close to people easily. I thought I’d live the rest of my life only trusting Jeongyeon and Jihyo. You came to me really quickly,” Nayeon says, opening her eyes wide for effect. “Really quickly. You know what I mean, right?”

Sana nods. “You think I don’t know? I made the decision to stay with you really quickly too. A one-year translator vocation became like a two-year stint and more?”

“I get scared because of that responsibility too,” Nayeon admits, “because what if I screw up and you wasted your time on me?”

“Then don’t,” Sana laughs at her own joke, then kisses Nayeon on the cheek. “It would be good if you stopped worrying about that. I’m not dismissing your worries. I’m just saying we can take it one step at a time and this is a gamble I thought about hard before.”

Nayeon hums, nodding and thinking about those words.

“Wait here a bit,” Sana says, and then bolts out of bed.

Nayeon sits up, a little dazed and a little wanting.

Sana returns with a pack of Jolly Ranchers, a jar of peanut butter, and a single spoon.

“Sana-yah I told you to buy less of that.”

“That’s not at all the case; you put them into the trolley when you think I’m not looking.”

“You add more anyway!” Nayeon argues gently.

“Whatever, I got them for you.”

Nayeon helps Sana back onto the bed because there’s a high chance she’ll break the jar or drop the spoon. “So… you aren’t going to have any?”

“I didn’t say that.”

 

* * *

 

“Did you fix shit?” Jeongyeon asks over coffee; Jeongyeon is exactly the type to hate meeting in a cafe because coffee is stupidly expensive these days and she runs a small, cost-efficient, reasonably priced bread place.

“I think so.”

“Stop worrying her. She’s a nice girl.”

“They were all nice before.”

Jeongyeon shrugs. “I guess. But Sana’s too smart for you. You think all the people who get close to you don’t understand enough. But she clearly does.”

Nayeon nods. “I want to go on with her.”

“This is the grossest conversation I have ever been subject to. You’re going to pay for my coffee.”

Nayeon rolls her eyes. “Fine. Thanks for talking to her.”

“I’ll make an exception for her but stop giving out my address.”

Nayeon laughs, clapping a hand over her mouth. “She went to your house?”

“She seems like that kind of person, to just do the weirdest thing. Why didn’t she just call and why would there be a situation where you gave her my address?”

“You know that time your neighbour trashed the apartment rubbish chute and basically started a cat colony from all the shit gathering downstairs? I thought it’d be fun so we Google Earthed it to check for updates.”

Jeongyeon blinks. “You definitely deserve each other.”

Nayeon sets her cup down. “I know.”

“Are you doing anything now?”

“I’ve received some songs, but the company isn’t anxious or anything, so I don’t have to worry about recording or anything yet. I can go into the studio when I like.”

Jeongyeon nods slowly. “Okay, cool. Don’t stress over it. Enjoy it. And do something with your time, please.”

“Got it,” Nayeon says seriously. “I’m trying to live my life well.”

“Good.”

 

* * *

 

Nayeon gets home three days later the second time. Sana is awake with some sort of rerun on this time. Nayeon sighs like she’s a kid who had a relapse in a rehab facility. Sana doesn’t quite let her open her mouth. Once Nayeon gets to the sofa she pulls Nayeon to her face by the chin and kisses her, tugging at Nayeon’s clothes. Nayeon doesn’t resist.

“Miss me?” Sana asks, hand slipping into Nayeon’s jeans.

“Yes, I think my head got screwed on properly this evening,” Nayeon responds, barely reaching Sana’s lips as she works on the clothing.

“Good,” Sana tells her, “you’re doing good.”

Nayeon goes for her neck and thumbs her chest through her bra. “What did you do for these few days?”

Sana almost laughs. “I’m trying to have sex with you, and you’re asking for my three-day itinerary?”

Nayeon bites down. “Yes, I want to know.”

“I, uh,” Sana pulls her shirt up for Nayeon’s better access, “I went out with Mina.”

Nayeon locates the clasp of Sana’s bra and undoes it, biting down onto Sana’s chest. “And?”

“I set a small fire to her kitchen; I’m not even joking,” Sana says breathily.

Nayeon laughs and pecks Sana on the lips. “Anything else?”

“I made a booking for my driver’s license practical and then Jihyo came and told me I was fucked for my theory test anyway- softer, please- so I rescheduled it.”

Nayeon begins dutifully sucking on a nipple softly, a free hand working Sana’s exercise shorts down her waist. The elastic makes the work easy, and Sana’s eager shimmying makes it entirely painless.

“I took the train to Busan,” Nayeon informs her girlfriend, spreading her thighs as she does, “and I went to visit Gamcheon Culture Village and take some photographs. I printed a postcard and then I woke up from the need to be away and booked an early train home.”

“Sounds- ugh- nice,” Sana mutters, “I was thinking of taking a trip home-”

Nayeon stares up from between Sana’s legs, fingers perched on the waistband of Sana’s panties; she places a kiss between Sana’s thighs. “Hmm?”

“I was thinking of taking a trip home next week. I want to spend this month’s off days that way,” Sana explains, a little breathless and a little irritated that she’s having this conversation just now, when Nayeon is between her legs.

Nayeon nods. “Okay, good.”

“I was going to go alone, but if you want to come, then…”

“I do,” Nayeon says, smiling a little childish smile with lips turned inwards.

“Mm, I’ll book tickets later.”

“Do _you_ want to come?”

Sana frowns. “I just invited- oh, okay.”

Nayeon laughs and gets on top of Sana, encouraging her to wind her legs around Nayeon’s hips. Then Nayeon slips her hand into Sana’s panties, knowing Sana’s strange taste for either of them having their panties on while things go down, and kisses Sana through the first touches.

After Sana’s done, she bends Nayeon over an arm of the couch and fucks the living daylights out of her.

Nayeon collapses onto the rug and pulls Sana down with her. They finally remove their ruined panties and make a nest of clothing in which they might comfortably lie.

“Thanks,” Nayeon mumbles and kisses Sana’s forehead. “It’s been hard on you.”

“Not really,” Sana says, “it feels normal. If you want to talk about anything, I’m here.”

“I know.”

“Do you want to meet my parents?” Sana asks. “I realised I didn’t ask this just now but we were busy and it was difficult to think of all things properly, so… I usually stay with my parents when I’m home. They expect that, anyway.”

“I, uh, did you tell your parents about us yet?” Nayeon asks, lazily kissing at the swell of a breast.

“I told them, yeah.”

“They’re cool?”

“They’re cool. Do you want to video call my mum?”

“We can’t call her like this!”

“I mean later! But also, what’s wrong with this? We could use a blanket!”

“She’s your mother! Have some shame!”

“But she had a girlfriend too when she was younger!” Sana complains.

“That doesn’t mean a thing when we’re talking about decency.”

“I can’t believe you’re shier than I am about these things.”

Nayeon rolls her eyes. “For all we know your family is as weird as you are.”

“They are, remember that time I fell off a bike-”

“Right, okay. I’m looking forward to the trip,” Nayeon concludes; she leans over and kisses Sana tiredly. “Thank the gods you’re mine.”

“Thank the gods you’re mine,” Sana repeats softly, and means it.

**Author's Note:**

> This felt right to write.


End file.
